Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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