im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
