grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I didn't notice because vodka
So much Jack, so little girl.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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