Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
