If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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