I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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