one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
