yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i barfeds in our rink
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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