I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
