i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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