K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
