I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
