Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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