he wants to bone in the snuggie
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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