This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
