If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
