actually, I'm a sock model
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
