you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
