Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
