I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
