Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
