Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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