Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
