I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
