Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
