Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
