You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
