Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
