I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize