My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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