im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
babies were throwing up all over the place
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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