He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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