Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
