How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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