let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
