We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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