I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
