No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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