I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
