like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
