But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
