so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
