Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
