With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
