Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
