yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
