i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it wasn't lemon gatorade
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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