Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
