Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
