lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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