im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize