Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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