We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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