I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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