Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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