Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
