does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
