She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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