First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
