It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
