remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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