ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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