you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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