If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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