My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
