I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I cut my penus on the lid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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