She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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