What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
