I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you had me at cake vodka
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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