Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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